Sunday, 3 February 2008

my heart wanders :: wonders

The other afternoon we all went for a little walk together. The kids had had a late afternoon nap, and we needed to tire them out. Mainly we wanted to have an explore and wander as a family. It seems often we don't get the time, or make the time, to just do simple things all together. Last week we spontanously went out to Mt Cootha Botanical Gardens, and had such a lovely time just hanging out together.


While pushing the pram with a three year old who declared he didn't want to walk, I managed to capture a few photos. I noticed quite a few heart shapes in nature - I think I was really looking out for them, inspired by Pia's My Heart Wanders project.

We also went along a few streets that, while only around the block from our house (where I have lived for ten or so years!), that I have never explored before. It made me realise that while I keep pining for a new home and location, there is still so much to offer me here.
On other thought tangents :: I have been feeling quiet (deep within myself) this week. This is the year I turn 30 (23rd of May, for those of you slightly interested), and I have been thinking of the things I had anticipated having "achieved" before this milestone approached. Mainly, I actually really don't have exact goals for times, that sort of thing. I guess now that I get to this stage, things are roaming into my mind.


I guess a big thing for me is my lack of real true and deep friendships. I have always been so close to my family - being not just connected through being related, but also through actually enjoying each other's company. Yet, there are many times when I wish I had friends who wanted to be my friend as much as me. I have spent lots of times throughout my life having hopes about how a friendship will turn out. I know that I'm not the most social, getting out there person, I enjoy being in smaller groups. But, I still make efforts to get to know people and see them regularly. It seems that it takes so much effort to actually make friends :: sometimes I wonder if the effort on my side shows that the friendship isn't really reciprecated. Maybe I should remember the lessons I should have learnt during high-school!

Sometimes my heart just aches that I don't have a close circle of dear friends who want to be with me, who appreciate me for who I am, what I do, how I am.

6 comments:

  1. oh Ellie. I know how you feel - since I moved to Phoenix from Seattle, I haven't found any of those close friendships. Mine remain in Seattle. However, what I have found are some really powerful friendships here in blogland, including yours. We may not be down the road, but you're definitely in my heart.

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  2. Becca9:14 am

    I know exactly how you feel! If I were closer (I`m in Japan) I`d love to be your friend! Found your blog a while ago..love it! Thank you! Welcome to your thirties!

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  3. I just tried to have a nap with my almost 14 month old. Fat chance! As I lay there I thought about how in 2008 I will turn 33. How I have to think now before I respond with my age.

    I often have these same friend feelings. And one of my life lessons has been that if you have to try too hard to make a friendship work, it probably doesn't work.

    The other lesson I've had to learn is to be thankful for the friends who simply materialize. I don't know if these words help. But I spent a few years feeling a loss of friends in my life and had to wake up and realize that even though I hadn't selected them and wasn't really excited about them (if I'm being honest) with a shift of perspective I could be really grateful for the friends I did have. And that helped a lot.

    A good friend is such a treasure.

    More than one and ... wow.

    At any rate, after all that unsolicited advice, I just wanted to say thanks for your blog. I am a new reader and I really enjoy it.

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  4. Oh Ellie.
    I enjoy your company a lot and I hope you know that. I have been so busy with parents till last week and now a bit of emptiness and little Oliver not wanting to do anything makes it harder to see you all, sorry. But we talk about you, think about you always.
    I am even feeling sad that you might be moving far away too.

    I am so happy that you were brave enough to talk to me without knowing how I looked like at Northey street that day.

    Hope to see you soon.

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  5. Hello again. I left something for you on my blog. :)

    Thanks for the cow's milk advice. Things are going better with that. You said it right about the guilt/anxiety with each new stage. And then once we get used to it, they're onto something new!

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  6. I just came over to see your blog from a link at Amy's. I love your photography, it's simply beautiful.
    I've experienced many of the same feelings regarding friendships; my heart goes out to you.

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Thank you for your words and thoughts. I do so appreciate each and every visitor to my blog. While I try hard to reply to your comment, it often doesn't quite happen..... know that I'm sending you a thoughtful thanks xxx

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