Saturday, 28 March 2009

yesterday was....

the memory day for my family.
I've talked about this before
(here and here),
and now don't have many words that I want to say or express.
A softness and quietness;
not peace,
not anger.
An accepting, understanding.

Some tiny inner stillness
that I know she still exists in. But I feel
that I know she isn't in my daily life
the way she used to be.

I do see her in my daughter,
and in my siblings.
And stop and smile
when I look at photos
- above my sewing table, or in my bedroom.

And only a few weeks ago my aunt told me
that I looked so so much
like my mother.
A wonderful thing to hear,
to be told. A wonderful thing
to look in the mirror
look for her in my features.

So, on this anniversary
I cannot talk
about my feelings or thoughts
I cannot say words of deepness
to my family,
or express that
they may be needing to hear from me.

But when I sit,
I look up and see the smiling face
of my mother, and the way
she looks
at my father
in the photo
I love so much.
I delve
into my mind,
my head,
my soul.

And there, somewhere, is a sort of peace.


  1. hugs to you, ellie.

    tell your kiddos all about her. bit by bit as you remember.

    i tell my kiddos about my gram, who passed away when i was newly pregnant with my first . . .

    i feel as though i could cry, and then send you a wobbly smile . . .

  2. My thoughts are with you, Ellie. You write so beautifully of your mother and your feelings about her.


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