the fact i haven't been here on this blog is proof that life got just a teeny bit hectic. ok - a whole lot of hectic actually.
without going into everything - shortened version is this:
+ Ari got really sick and was in hospital for four days. on a drip and oxygen. he had (has) pneumonia and a bacterial infection on his lungs. his asthma made it all worse. the dr was surprised he hadn't fallen over and stopped breathing. {parent of the yea award for not realising how sick my boy was!!!}
+ i opened a shop. oh yeah. told you that. well, it's sort of turned into an almost full time job. haven't had a full time job since before kids. and i wasn't ready for it. physically, mentally, emotionally. it's taken a lot from me. it's given me a lot too - a lot of wonderful and good and learning and experiences. and new friends.
+ i realised through all this (and bad sleeping and all the rest) that i seem to have an strong reserve to keep on going. something underneath pushing me along. despite the fact that i look terrible (bags under bags - i think tired is an understatement), i'm proud of myself for pushing onwards, upwards, forward - taking the lessons and trying to learn them. and taking the good.
+ Mishi's behaviour is not getting better or easier. still lots of before school crying, whinging, clinging, moaning. getting dressed is an issue. we sort of are at a loss as to what to do. she's like a teenager - saying things like 'i hate myself'. where does a 5-yr-old get that!!!???
Anyway. today i am at home. the first time home alone for more than two months, i think.
clothes are in the machine doing their washing thing (yep - we bought a new washing machine, and it's fancy - it has a glass lid!). the dishes are happily waiting for me when i get to them (which will have to be before it's too hot to plunge my hands into hot washing up water).
Lisa Mitchell's new album is playing. have you heard it? the first song is just so strong. so real. so perfect for my life right now. we saw her live recently - and i think the whole audience possibly almost cried when she sang this opening song, in the darkness with just one faded spotlight. oh. oh.
home alone. making for the Sew & Tell market on saturday. doing little quiet stitch and crochet work. no machine sewing needed (all done - yah!). this is what i NEED this week.
hope you are well my friends. thank you for those who are still visiting this neglected space. xxxx
* i really love this post that Kate wrote recently. Kate, you are a wise woman - I am working on my "what makes me happy" list and trying to make it happen.
I hear the same things from Hazel as you're getting from Mishi, and it probably started around the same age. At first I was devestated because I couldn't understand where it was coming from and it was just so awful to hear saying such negative things about herself - all the things that can go wrong with teenage girls loomed large. But after awhile, after a lot of subtle questioning and a bit of thinking, I'm not quite so worried. Yes it's awful and yes I will keep an eye on it, but I think it's largely just a 6 (and now 7) year old's innate way of expressing her unhappiness at the time rather than a learned attitude and an ongoing problem. There is also more than a little drama mixed in, as well as an understanding of what she can say that gets the biggest reaction from mum! Big hugs for you though, because its not fun. Neither are the issues around getting dressed. Oh the battles we've had! Sometimes it was sheer contrariness, but sometimes it's an inability to choose from lots of options and then not being confident with her choice and getting super anxious and wanting to change. Uniforms definitely have their uses!
ReplyDeleteI love hearing about your work and job, so fit it in when and where you can!
Hi Ellie! I really should be catching Zzzzz's but I just wanted to pop by. Life has been ON for you, hasn't it?! Glad that Ari got through the worst of it - especially after what the doc said! I am feeling for you and your Mishi mornings. Hoping that the tension breaks for you all soon and things start to make a bit more sense. Enjoy the snatches of 'you' time. I think that the shop is a marvellous thing, what a dream lived! Take care lovely x
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