We've been in a bit of self-imposed isolation::hibernation for the last three days. After being away for three::four days at my Grandmas, I needed to just be at home quietly for a bit with the babes. Well, not quietly as such, but slowly :: softly :: calmly :: or trying anyway. We've had a bit of whinging and yelling and then lots and lots of cuddles. Ari saying don't yell at me :: me saying don't whinge at me - I know, I know ~ I'm the adult I should know better. Well, sometimes I really want him to know better. But its also been lovely to just be slow, and not have too many expectations of our day :: time.
We made grapefruit + lemon icecream, inspired mainly by Stefani's scrumptious looking mint icecream. Our freezer seems (that's me being optimistic!) broken - so it didn't actually freeze properly. Not creamy and smooth :: but utterly delicious none the less. And, actually, I like icecream in Winter. Ari + I sat on his little wooden chairs on the back landing bit and soaked up the sun eating our icecream slushie.
I've been sewing, trying to finish little things for my nephew who turned one today. Well, I didn't get it finished + posted in time - but I know that's okay. It will (hopefully) be loved when it arrives, that the lateness is forgotten. I love having the birthday being extended into a week or more. One day a year is simply not enough is it?!
I've just this week started a little extra bed-time story routine with Ari, which he seems to like. Normally Sam (or I) reads stories on the couch (as Mishi is asleep in the room we all share), then Ari + I hop into bed and I sing songs, stroke his head, whisper, tell stories and ultimately just sit quietly :: depending on how tired he is, how long it takes for him to drift off to sleep. This week I've started talking more about my Mum. Just little snippets of things I remember at that time :: nothing has continuity and it doesn't matter what I talk about. I think that I'm going to keep doing it for a long time. I really enjoy it, and I guess Ari does too - as he kept asking me to continue the story about Michele. (He doesn't very often call her Grandma Michele, as he never knew her on this Earthly plain).
My family doesn't talk about my Mum very much. I wonder how long it will be until we feel the rawness of her death ease off, and feel that we can talk happily about her - without bringing up sadness for each other. I miss not talking to her, because she always had an answer - or knew how to help me come to an answer myself. My Mum was the bestest Mother, my dear friend, my "spiritual teacher", my.... We were - still are - so lucky to have had her in our lives. She guided me to be the woman and mother I am.
So, talking about her with Ari - in a darkened room where I can have the thoughts and memories of her to share with my babes - has a clarity and contentment that I feel deeply.
Today we ventured out down the street, to meet Sylve + Ash at a coffee shop. Ash is all spotty from his chicken pox. I so miss them both when we don't see them for a few days. I love that we live such a short walking distance away, that our boys are so close in age and they love each other like brothers, that we Mums both love both boys as our own sons, and very importantly :: that Sylve + I love each other eternally, unconditionally :: like bestest friends, sisters..... We know each other so well, but also, we are so similar in so many wonderful ways.
The only photos I've taken this week were on my Ricoh (film) camera. I don't suppose I'll be seeing them for a while - as we don't very often get out to the photo shop. I've been trying to take photos of the trees out the front door, in the golden Winter afternoon light - but the digital camera gets so fussy about having low-light. Yet, that is really one of the lighting conditions I love shooting in. So, I suppose I'll have to use my beloved camera more often. The firm click of taking a photo is so satisfying and final.
So, now that its super late at night and I feel exhausted and sick - I should probably go to bed. Yet, the exhaustion I feel isn't going to be freshened or replenished by a nights sleep. Its the exhaustion of a Mother with two little children and very little spare time. Or simply - the exhaustion of a Mother :: Full stop::