Friday, 20 July 2007

slowing happily

I've had such simple and full :: busy last few days, that I've been early to bed, with little-to-no "impunta"* time. Mishi's daytime naps mean that Ari + I spend time chatting and playing and cleaning together. I actually really look forward to her having long naps some days so we can have time together just being. More and more, Ari seems so grown up, having conversations and observations beyond his 2 1/2 years:: it's so wonderful, and how I hope my relationships with all (I aim :: wish for more than two) my babes continues until forever.Yet, also, I love the moments when Ari sleeps or is with his Dad. And Mish + I have time to sing to each other. We goo and coo together, giggling and smiling. I remember reading somewhere (possibly here) that studies have shown mothers and young babies talk in the same pitch :: frequency to each other.
These last few weeks of being at home and only going out for little walks around the neighbourhood, have felt so nurturing. I'm learning more every day to enjoy those moments when life just happens. To totally involve myself in the experiences of being with my little ones who I adore so much.
This may sound simple for some (most) mothers - and, yes, I always thought it would be for me. With Ari it was. I felt so in 'control' and knowing what I was feeling, doing, being. I felt like we were a wonderful partnership and I didn't need to think about what to do, how to do it. We just happened, and happened good. He was an easy baby, I was a good mum.
Still - I know that I am a "good mum". And both my babes are actually very "easy" little ones. (It is funny when people say how good a baby is, as if the alternative is "bad"). Well, I feel that this time around it took me longer to remember the things I felt so innate, intuitive with Ari. I felt tired, slow, not sure of so many things with Mishi.

I guess I'm slowly, quietly thinking about the fact that I "think" I had postnatal depression with Mischa. I know I only felt it in a minor way - yet, still I know that it affected my early months with being at home with a new baby and young child.

What I'm saying now - is that I feel quite totally over this. And now, I am enjoying the *honeymoon* period of having a glorious beautiful baby girl. I am glowing, singing, laughing, playing, dancing with my sweet, dear treasures.

On other notes - I am adding to, not crossing off items on my list. I think, possibly this isn't really such a terrible thing, as I have been spending precious enjoyment with my babes, instead of "doing stuff". Kids don't care about stuff, do they. Ari just wants me to play with him, and Mishi just wants me to look at her. They both want me to play peek-a-boo, to tickle, to hide under the doona with them, to dance around the lounge room, to play drums in the backyard, squirt water, paint, sing, laugh, look at flowers, and give + receive wonderful squeezey bear::bunny::elephant hugs.


added to list-

:: make curtains for lounge room doorways

completed from list-

::door snake completed - YAH

::Ashey's frog sewn + delivered (a lovely walk to visit Sylve+Ash)

::I have been doing more drawing with Ari lately. Liberated drawing, not thinking about the results - just enjoying the moment of running a pencil across the paper.

*"impunta" is Ari's word for computer. Mine + Sylve's is "puty". Ashey's is "comp-prunter".
PS - these photos are film, have only just been developed and are quite old. Both babes are now much bigger than this!

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