Monday, 29 October 2007

ode to a friend

THIS* just made me (almost) cry. My heart pumped up, my eyes swelled. My guilt was evident all over again. I suppose to most people these images would be beautiful, yes emotive, evocative, a wonderful memory or story of childhood. To me :: they remind me that I am the Mother who lost her son's special friend.
Well, I don't know if I lost it, or if Ari did. But really, I am the one who takes the blame and responsibility for Bunny not coming home a few weeks ago. I still keep hoping I'll find him squashed under the car seat. Yet I know this can't be. We've looked and looked and looked.

And the gallery never rang to say they had found the grubby blanket bunny head. And we went back and looked around the streets. Strange. Gone.

Ari has been so very good and understanding. I suppose if this had to happen (again), then now really was the best time. Having his birthday excitement. Moving into the next phase of being a bigger boy. He didn't need Bunny for that 'security' so much anyway. Yet, Bunny had become an excellent friend - that's what Ari called him. Really, he could have transitioned away from the needing of Bunny yet still kept him as that precious little friend. And - memory for this Mama of that precious moment of childhood.
These photos were taken only a few days before Bunny went missing. On their last outing together.Ari, darling. You love(d) Bunny - he was real, important, special. When we talked about him not being here anymore you were brave but sad. You kept saying that you didn't want Mishi, you wanted Bunny. You have asked us a few times over the last weeks where Bunny is :: each time we tell you the truth. You understand and listen, yet you still say 'I want Bunny, get me Bunny'. I love Bunny too, and miss him. I miss who he turned into - for you, what he represented, his lovely little head and paws, his grubby grubby grubby totally loved self. The fact that he went so many places through your childhood with you, yet was tossed easily across the room and left in a corner until bedtime when we had to turn the house upside down before you could go to bed.
Bunny :: moved in with the fairies. We miss you.

*Link doesn't take you to exact image. Thank you Leigh-Ann for your tutorial, but somehow it's not letting me upload the image.... So :: go to "The Doudou Projects", image 13 esp but all of them really.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:05 pm

    im always so behind in reading your blog, but i remember the day you rang me to say bunny had gone. it was emotional to hear it then and now as i read your story, tears are rolling down my cheeks, pooling in my throat, to feel again the angst you went through and the loss ari had to endure.i miss you too bunny.i love you ari. S x


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