solitude and company

Yesterday afternoon Sam took the kids over to his parents house, for a visit. Ari loves to see his Grandma every week, and misses her if he doesn't; so he had rung her in the morning to see if he could visit. I convinced Sam to stay for dinner :: giving me more quiet time at home!

I had enough time to do some blog-surfing, to vacuum the house, to photograph the beautiful flowers I bought from the organic market, and then to have a little time in the sewing room.

Zinnias - wild and tumbly. One of the flowers my Mum used to love. Along with dahlias. I love their rambling feeling. And all the colours. I am surprised at myself that I never get around to planting any in my garden, when I see them in other peoples' gardens. Maybe when we have a new house, and the garden of my dreams. (This garden, in my mind's-eye is quite a lot of work; I hope I have some friends and family to help me plant and tend it!).

So, anyway; my solitude. What a lovely afternoon I had. Just the clean floors under my feet (that doesn't last long here; clean floors). And the afternoon sun on the stretching shadows across the wall. And the quiet in my ears; well only the city noise outside at any rate.

And the company? Let me say that today was so beautiful. Walking and talking and collecting treasures (sticks and rocks and leaves), and enjoying the company of my children and my friends, and the weather just so perfectly perfect.* And then having a wonderful dinner out, with women friends (and little Mishi, who was sweet and funny and an easy, though messy, child). And feeling the true strengthening of a friendship that I am enjoying so much.

Things I need :: solitude and company. Don't we all!

*Queensland tourism has this saying/slogan, for their campaigns :: 'beautiful one day, perfect the next'. I think Winter really is the time to be here. Not hot, yet so not cold. The evenings are cooling, but slowly and still so mild. And the days are sunny, with clear skies, lovely wind (great for drying clothes, or possibly flying kits, or watching leaves flutter). Strange though, the Autumn leaves have not yet fallen and already I have seen wattle flower buds starting to form. (A bit like last year, maybe?). Will Winter happen, or will we pass the Autumn changes and the cold, and head straight for late Spring and the Summer heat? Oh, I hope not - for this time of year is just so glorious. (I am watching the tree down the road, waiting for this to happen - but still green glossy leaves clinging tightly to the tree).

just because

Last night, before bed, Ari spied a stray packet of sparklers. He asked if we could light some. Instead of my initial thought of 'No, it's bedtime, and not time for activities and going out into the cold, dark night', I said Yes. Sometimes I think I forget to just say yes. When I look around at parents and adults, I see them stopping fun for kids. Don't slurp your drink, don't ride your bike now, no it's too sunny to go to the park, or too cold or too early or too late. Stand up straight, don't lie down while you eat.....

So, anyway, we all went outside and lit those wonderful sparklers. And the happiness smile on his face was matched with our faces. One of our friends, who is staying with us, hadn't seen sparklers before. (Japanese fireworks, but not Australian sparklers).

And, just because, we all had a pillow fight before bed. Tucking in the sheets, and putting covers on the pillows became a game of hide-and-seek, a game of caves, a game of tickles.

And just because, I had five minutes on my own and took a few photos in the back yard. The afternoon light streaming through the mulberry tree onto the garden colours. And a few images of my newest bags (the ones not sold at the marketstall).

And just because, I sat down to write this post, while everyone played lego. And the warm day with floating clouds happened outside. And we took a few moments to sit and be, to talk and laugh. Watching Ash play soccer this morning, plans to go to the park with a friend this afternoon.

Just because.... I think I'm happy right now. Just because.

good things

It's 10:14pm. I'm tired; but I've been telling you that for the past months at least. But right now, things are good.

The house is tidy (ish), vacuumed, washing up done, massive kids clothes pile put away, food in the cupboard!

I just had a wonderful conversation to a dear friend. She lives in the UK, and we are best friends - of sorts. As in, I have known her for so much of my life and been through so much together, and now that we are on the other side of the world to each other - we are living lives more similar than ever before. It's good to talk to someone who knows you well, knows who you are now, who you were then, and is totally interested in being with who you will be some day down the track. It is sad to think that we will never live around the corner from each other. That we will never sit on the front steps and chat and watch the sun set together. Or that our children - very close in ages - will never really know each other as friends.

But, it's so wonderful to know that right now we have a friendship that doesn't need constant tending or weeding or watering. It is flourishing and flowering now. Thanks Stef for your dearness, your words, your memories, your hopes and wishes and dreams. Your sharing of family ups and downs.

Now, onto my market wrap up:

Last Friday I had a stall at the Avid Little Market. It was fun - I think I'm sort of addicted to wanting to have more stalls. (Really, I know that I am a sales person and always wanted my own shop - this is a first step). I didn't actually make many sales - but really a few is all it takes to boost my confidence, and the words and looks and soft touches of eager hands about my sewing and fabric choices. I had a lot of support from dear friends, some who came to visit me at the market, and some who bought from me. I had that feeling of not knowing if I should give them the item, or charge them, or.... I decided that they wanted to support me - I hope they did, and didn't feel as if they 'should'...???

A small night-time market. I'm not sure if I'll do exactly that one again. Coming into Winter I'm not sure if it will be 'big enough' for me to make any sort of real money that will warrant all that hard work. But I have a few other options I am looking into.

But most importantly - you know what. I am proud of what I made, of how my stall looked, of how I felt on the night, talking to people and selling my wares. I am proud of myself! Sometimes it's hard to think or especially say that.

I'm often proud of my kids, and tell them. But being proud of doing what makes me happy. Now that's pretty good hey!

Now that the stress of this market is over (and the three days of work, at my job, that followed), I have so much in my mind that is ready to happen. Writing lists in my head. Tomorrow I will step back into my sewing room, tidy it up a bit, and get back into sewing things for:

:: my next market, I'm currently planning

:: the prizes for my 100th Post winners

:: some gifts to send dear neglected friends

:: some so badly long overdue swaps (these are eating at me)

:: and the bunny that Ari asked me to sew him more than a week ago (does anyone have suggestions on how I can make him a bunny. I have minimal softie experience - and the few tries so far have been strange looking!).

Okay, so all of this won't happen tomorrow - I know. But that main thing is that I'll have started it. And somedays (like today, when I had a lovely walk with the kids and play in the sandpit, and watered my carrots and broccoli), even the thought of achieving those is good enough for me.

to market to market

Tomorrow night I will be here ::

A humble little stall, of a few things I have been sewing this past week. As usual, I have left most of the final work until the last minute - that's me. Even if the market had been on it's usual last Friday-of-the-month night, I would be scurrying to get it all done. This will be my first market stall ever; I'm a bit scared, nervous and excited. I don't know if I'll even sell anything....

So, if you are in the area - Pop in for a look and a hello. Avid Reader Bookshop is a great place for a new discovery. If you head out the back, past the cafe area, you will find the Little Market at Avid. Nibbles and wine will be there, with some music and some friendly faces showing our handicrafts.

See you there!

have I mentioned.....

....that walking is well and truly happening here, now. She was doing that tentative little scurry around the furniture and holding hands walking, for a little while. But while we were at my Dad's house two weekends ago, with all the bigger children scampering and running about, she came home walking. It's odd to see her doing the occasional crawl, now, if she wants to get somewhere really fast.

Her funny little walk - a tiny bit side-ways, with a scuffle sort of stance. She's very confident in it now. Sometimes she still overbalances and tumbles down, but generally she can stop herself from falling quite well.

And she pushes things - chairs, toy prams, wooden trolley full of library books. And can carry things quite well, also. Today when I gave her a plate of watermelon, she just picked it up and walked off down the hallway with it held firmly in her two hands.

Really, she does so much that everyone else does. Not a baby anymore. Last night, Sam asked Ari why there were some crayons that hadn't been put away in the basket with the others. Ari sat on the couch and had a tiny whinge about it. Mishi just walked over and picked them all up and went to put them away.

And potty-training is happening slowly, also. She has just done this herself. We are encouraging it, but by no means forcing it. When she has no clothes on, she just takes herself off to the potty, sometimes she sits down fully clothed -as an indication that she needs to go. And, of course, she needs toilet paper to wipe herself as well.

It's pretty amazing really, isn't it, the way they learn so much by just mimicking and copying and trying over and over until they can do it. I keep wondering if Ari was like this, at this age (Mishi is almost 14 mths now). And I can't quite remember. I guess that he wasn't really up to a lot of things she is, mainly because there wasn't the constant older sibling stimulation that Mishi gets from Ari.

I've been reading a book called Detoxing Childhood. A lot of it is really stuff I know (or should know, and be thinking about), but it's always good to have it there in front of you, again, at the moments when you need to hear it. One part talks about 'learning versus education'. This struck a note with me. So much of what children 'learn' is just our everyday life - we don't, as parents, set out to teach them to walk or talk, we encourage it when it happens, and show them by example. I think this is all falling into my constant thoughts about homeschooling or not.

I think so much of what children are taught at school is so they can an exam and get a good score, so they can go to University. And be told how to think, but also told that they have to think for themselves - but follow certain guidelines. I loved school - went to Steiner School for primary, and just the local high school. But I think, so much of what I learnt about who I am, and where I fit in, and what I do with my life now - comes from my parents, and my upbringing. Maybe more so than from school. Though maybe I'm having midnight rambles......... This was meant to be a post about Mishi walking.

And while she's growing, and shall we call her a toddler now - is she a baby anymore. And she can cope a whole day without me now, without my milk nourishment. Still, when she gets home, she's my baby. She suckles on my nipple for her milk - which is not just food, but always warmth and love. She hums her little going to sleep song, and strokes my face, and looks into my eyes. And her eyelids flicker and her eyeballs roll back into her head. And she sleeps, a baby sleep. Soft, contented, restless, dreaming, growing, learning. And, so too does my bigger baby, the three and a half year old boy baby.

immense satisfaction

Firstly:: I want to say thank you to everyone for your thoughtful and kind and heartwarming comments about my Mum. When I had planned to write that post, it was going to be different - about how I felt at five years I was missing my Mum more than previous years. But what I wrote just came out of me. And, I suppose, that letting it spill out was an indication (to me) of my continued immense grief for my Mum. Even if I don't cry about her, and achingly miss her all the time. Thank you, also, for sharing your stories with me. And thanks to the dear friend who rang me up last night, such a lovely little chat.

We have all been sick for more than a week - flu and snuffy noses and not much sleeping. We are all still working through it, but night-time sleeps are getting better (and hopefully the constant train-works noise from across the street has stopped). Mishi has been having difficulty with sleeping, so her day-time naps have been minimal, if at all this week.

Despite this, I am really proud of the crafting I have achieved this week. This cushion cover was a gift for a family member's 60th Birthday a few weeks ago. I only got one finished in time to deliver to him, the other one has now been completed and will be posted this week. I really like the design that I made up for this - I came up with it while breastfeeding Mishi. Those moments can often be so reflective and I seem to think and plan so many things. The cushion doesn't have button holes, just a really big envelope back - I don't really like sewing button holes, so try to plan around that process.

Last week I made a new cushion cover for us too. I'm going to make some more in the next few weeks, as we have spare cushions with falling apart covers! I love laying my head on this cushion, on the couch. It is soft, yet has strength. But, mostly, I made it - and feel pride looking at it and using it. Simple strip piecing, with lots of over-stitching details and then a great red Indian cotton (from Ikea), as the main body.

I also made some new pyjama pants for both the kids. I know they are so easy to make, once I get down to actually sewing them. But in my house it is generally much harder to actually get to the sitting down part! Soft flannelet with little rocking horses on it - at first Ari said that it was too babyish, and he didn't want any, but on seeing Mishi's he changed his mind. Luckily I had already made them.

And while all of this is making me feel basically contented that I'm completing little things (though not enough for the market stall in less than two weeks....), the thing that is giving me the most pleasure is the fact that I am remembering how to embroider. I grew up with a Mum sewing, stitching, knitting, crocheting, potting, making bread, pies, cakes...... So, of course, I learnt all these (and more). And, of course, over the years I have neglected so many of these everyday arts.

Well, just a few nights ago I picked up an embroidery hoop and some calico and embroidery thread and..... I am totally addicted. I am taking it slowly. Relearning stitches from a great book (Creative Needlecraft - published in 1979) that my Dad pulled out of his bookshelves (which are bursting with the world). I am planning on using some small embroidered pieces on little purses that I'll be making for the market. I feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction looking at this humble piece of work, that I have made with my own hands.

Another great thing is that both the boys really like it too. And they don't need too much assistance with it - except that with their big stitches they use thread quickly, and it needs to be replenished often. I am trying to impress upon them that it's a quiet, sitting down, relaxing kind of activity - not standing and wiggling and jumping and.......