ways to be kind

Things lately haven't been the easiest around here as we may be hoping for. 

Lots of things piling up and sitting solidly in my stomach. And keeping me awake at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am... Finally to fall asleep at 5.30ish as the light comes up. 

I am trying to be kind to myself. To be gentle and soft. To have few expectations of myself. To see the good in the little moments around me.

I haven't felt this tired since.... well maybe since I had Ross River Fever combined with Barmah Forest Virus. Or maybe since I was breastfeeding two children at once... Anyway. Tiredness adds to the overwhelming feeling of everything. 

I know all the things I have to complain about are nothing compared to so so SO many people around this planet of ours. And I know I have to put it into perspective. But sometimes it's ok to mope and feel down as well. 

Things I'm doing to be kind to myself. To find some quiet and peace and simple joy amongst it all. ::

- daily creative. Crochet, weaving, styling and taking photos, writing

- picking flowers for our home

- sticking things on the wall that make me happy to look at

- reminding myself with verbal quotes - visual cues help too

- hugging my kids when they need it and when i need it

- walking outside in the forest and the fresh air

- ignoring the outside noise that keeps pushing in in in to my brain (oh these school holidays really are stretching us to the limit of patience with both children, who will not stop talking or making noice of any sort. And yes- both my kids talk in their sleep!)

- seeing friends and just being with them - creative conversation is sometimes hard to make; it's ok to sit and be together quietly

- telling myself stories and dreams and planning new adventures

- thinking about a little getaway on my own or with my man (boy do we need some time away together!)

- I bought myself a new pair of sunglasses and they have a rosey tint. I've decided I'm looking at life with a rosey hue this year.

What do you do when you need to be kind to yourself? When life is throwing lots of things at you and you are trying hard to stay afloat?

{quietly} in the creative

Each day I still long for quietly. Some days are much easier, some days are much harder. Some days despite the quiet around me, I have an inner turmoil within me. It's an always mindful practice to come back to now, to the quiet of now. That is how I best find quiet. 

To sit and breathe deeply. 

To think about my breath. 

To still the noise within my head and mind and body. 

To ignore the noise outside my self. 

To find quietly one must actively be quietly. Steady breathing still mind. 

I have slowed down on drinking coffee. Mostly in the hope that it'll stop some of the nervous anxiety I have over some things happening right now. Most days I haven't been drinking any at all, occasionally I will have one cup mindfully enjoying it.

I often find meditation in my crochet. In the steady constant stitches. Sometimes not - sometimes the stitches work themselves while the hurricane of life goes on with me caught up in it. The ideal is to find quietly and still amongst the hurricane, to bring it into daily life - not only practice while daily life is being still. 

Last week the girl and I stayed at home, while the boys went to the movies (to see The Hobbit). We wanted to do something special together, as time alone is rare. We set the table with paints and paper, and a pot of tea to share. The fallen roses and the cups on the table provided inspiration. We chatted together (that girl can barely stop talking ever!), but in a calm and quiet manner. I was still and in the moment while actively being part of the moment. 

Finding quietly within the chaos of creative is indeed a wonderful thing. Somehow you slip into a new sense of making and creating. Not thinking about what you're making, simply making. I wish for more time spent quietly with my making this year.

finding the quietly within the busy

It suddenly got busy busy here over the past month or so. And isn't letting up anytime soon. 

I have a whole stack of fun, super fun, kids crafty workshops booked in over the holidays. And all the prep work involved in that. (My boy said it wasn't fair that I would be working all holidays, I told him that's the reality for many many kids, and wasn't he lucky I didn't normally!).

Lots of Deadwood Creative happenings and organising and planning and prepping for upcoming busy market season. 

You know - all that sort busy-ness. Where it seems every day is much too short. And where is my {quietly} time? Oh where, Oh where.

So. Instead of drowning in the busy. I'm working out to to still find my quietly amongst it, and within it. Being busy and being frantic are different. Busy can be good, if it's controlled. Frantic is just horrible. 

Here's a few tips I'm working on to keep the quietly. To still be present here/now while being busy and getting it all done at the same time. 

~ make a list. Write everything on that list, including clothes washing (and maybe you'll even need to include wash your hair if that sort of thing drops off your timetable when you get extra busy!). Get it out of your head. That's really important. If you're thinking and overthinking everything too much, you'll be over there and not right here. 

~ stop. Even if for only 5 minutes. Put away your phone, computer, laptop, list. Put it all aside and just be. Sitting in the sunshine, outside with a cup of tea is sometimes the thing you need to do the most. Take a walk. Walk along your street, your country road, wherever you life. Find something to do outside of your busy. Yesterday my head was over-loaded and took a beautiful long walk on my own. I didn't think about my list or all the things or the mess at home to tidy. I sat at the creek and listened and tasted the water and heard the trees swishing and the birds calling and the butterflies fluttering. You can share that walk with me over here, if you want. 

~ be prepared and organised. I find I stress and become frantic is I don't prepare for all I need to do. I'm not the best at this, so it's something I have to work hard at. List making helps. 

~ breathe. breathe. breathe. This may sound silly, but to stop and take 3 active deep (through your nose, not mouth) breathes creates such a being here moment. Take 10 breathes if you want. Stop everything else for one minute and sit up straight and watch your breath. It's quite amazing what it does to you. 

~ turn off all the excess noise. I often work in quiet. No radio, music, tv, podcast in the background. Yeah sure, I'm lucky that I have birdsong to keep me company, but I find that when I have music or talking on endlessly in the background that I have too much happening filling my head. I'm trying to actively be part of the song/podcast, as well as the work in front of me, as well as what I'm doing tomorrow, as well as what I'll feed the kids for dinner.... You get the picture. Music is lovely, but silence is golden.

~ learn to say NO. This is a massive one for a lot of us. Opportunities come up and we want to grab hold of everything fun, and be part of everything. For me this is a big thing. I'm always putting my hand up to help out somewhere or other, to do another thing out of the home, or even a new project that I can do at home. yes i can do that, oh yeah of course, no problem. yep pile it on, i'll do that. Simply say thank you, I'd love to, but I can't fit that in this month/year. 

~ read bedtime stories to your kids. The busy can wait. The emails will still be there. Projects won't stop. But your kids, and that beautiful sweet ritual of lying with them at bedtime to encourage the love of stories that doesn't last long. If your kids are older - spend time with them. Make time. Busy can wait.

I want to thank those of you have been commenting on this little segment of my {quietly}. It really makes me so happy to know that these tiny words of mine are something for you. I'm so pleased to hear that you are taking moments for yourself and for your quietly to develop. I think your family, your work, your creative, your self will thank you for it.

{quietly} the realisation

I realised quite recently that the slow down that I thought was what I wanted isn't exactly what I want.need.

I realised that quietly is what I'm aiming for.wishing for.needing.

Quietly quietly.

The slow living of the country life isn't as a real a thing as is imagined. Oh yes, in a certain way, for sure. There is a slowing - and not just the internet or the Sunday driver in front of you - a slowing of a lot of things.

But I'm finding my mind is moving at the wondering speed it always does. Jumping and flittering and mercurial. The way I am. The way I always am. always will be. That's my mind. My body has slowed, but my mind wants lots. And that's ok.

So - it's quietly I want.

Some days I find that I have three people talking at me all at once. Yes. Three people wanting to have conversations with me with, needing answers and responses and thoughts and ideas and opinions and .... I suppose all mother's know that. Some days all I want is no-one talking to me, no-one needing me, wanting me, calling me, asking me, demanding of me.

So. In order for me to find this quiet amongst the noise of life I decided that firstly I need to want it. To know I wanted it was the best direction in finding it and having it. If you're after quietly in your days, you need to realise that's what you want.

Say the word in your head. 

Say it softly over your tongue. 

Maybe, if no-one's listening speak it, whisper it.

Is that the word you want? Really? 

Know it before you find it.

For me to find quietly throughout my whole day, I've found that I need to make it happen in small pockets of time. To actively seek quiet. And then to bring it into the other noiser aspects of my day. For me to be better equipped to have three people talking at me.to me, wanting and needing me I need to find quiet amongst that; within that. To know the quiet spots in my mind, my heart, my soul.

The first ever so tentative steps are to spend 10minutes being quiet. This, for me, doesn't mean meditation, as that's a different sort of quiet. For me, this means boiling the kettle and making a pot of tea. Real leaf tea in a tea pot. There's the quiet moments of rinsing the tea pot and waiting for the kettle to boil. Of finding which cup I will use today. And listening to the sound of the water as it heats in the kettle on the stove, the gas on the metal, the water moving in the metal kettle. And filling the kettle.

Sometimes my quietly might include some crochet or stitchwork, or putting fabric in jars for dyeing. Sometimes it might be sitting, with the sun across my shoulders and my tea cup in my hands.

Always just me being within and without whatever is around me. Actively hearing the sounds around me. And really tasting the tea as I drink it, feeling it, thinking about it. Not rushing.

No phone or computer or reading or music. Those aren't part of my quietly moments. You must actively make quietly happen to start, to find it.

This is my journey to find quietly. It began with the last ten minutes. I'll share quietly with you here over time.

{quietly} the last ten minutes

The last ten minutes before I stop what I'm doing for the day to gather my little ones from the bus pick up are sometimes the most delicious. 

For ten minutes is the most important minute of my day. Every minute every minute. 

Sometimes, it doesn't matter how actively "here" I am during the day, 

the final last ten minutes becomes so precious. 

Not that the homecoming of my babes is precious. But it's a shift and change. The air changes in those moments between walking to the bus stop and coming home again. The light is different. And in these early Spring days, the light is still fading quickly. And the pent-up energy of my little ones overwhelms our tiny house and gobbles up our afternoon.

So. here right now. 

moment moment moment. 

The creaking of tree branches against each other. 

Those tall white-trunked gums along our hill side. 

The wind sweeping through the gums.camphor.rainforest - 

rustling and swirling leaves up higher than me. 

The windchime calling in tune to the wind. Singing to me night and day.

Making me think of 

my mama, 

for some reason or other.

And the birds always the birds calling and chirping and enjoying.

The last golden hours of sunshine on the new growth of the tiny persimmon tree. 

The big tree beside it with only the beginnings of the new growth. 

Glowing I tell you. 

That fresh green leaf tip in the afternoon sun. 

The taste of my cup of tea. The ceramic on my lips. The water on my tongue. 

The breeze upon my cheeks. The sunshine on my eyelids.

The soft, 

ever so soft, 

movement from the mossy branches of the tall hoop pine beside me. 

That giant tree of massive peace and steady calm filled with so much everything. 

                  In these moments. 

                            These last ten minutes. Everything is here. I am here.                                                  

I am nowhere. I am lost and found. 

And I breathe.