today i am.....

: having morning tea (apple + almonds) with the little one - she is singing beautiful songs about Winter fairies, and drawing snow and little creatures (a Winter fairy, a big Winter dinosaur.....)
: trying to warm up in our cold house - the one patch of Winter sunlight hasn't arrived yet
: avoiding the washing up (kitchen is much too cold to be standing still)
: writing lists and planning things - new ventures will be shown here soon
: wondering when I'll find the time on my own (with no kids around...) to start the tax return
: drawing new designs, and thinking of new products to put them on
: enjoying wearing this beautiful and oh-so warm scarflette from the ever-so lovely Sandrine
: looking at realestate.com.au (again, yes, again)
: wondering what to make for dinner again tonight; last night it was toast and left over lentils
: trying to find someone to make me a new website (any ideas or recommendations?)
: enjoying the fact that it's almost the weekend, and surely I can sleep in tomorrow (perhaps also the kids can visit their grandparents and I can sit down at the sewing machine - something I haven't done for more than a month now! eeekkkk....itching fingers and ideas).
: being annoyed that Blogger isn't letting me load images with ease.

: look - that's me, on a Friday. So let's say this is a 52 Fridays entry. Ari took these photos before school this morning. (They're not the most flattering images of me, but there's not many taken of me, so I have to have what I get)

kisses E.

i just remembered :: Friday # 7

It's Friday today. 

That means I'm to take a photo and then load it up. hmmmmm. Can we do another of those computer ones?

I'm wearing all red today. Well, mostly sort of. It's red day at my son's Prep room. He went to school in a whole red outfit, with a cute little felt elf hat on (that I made for Mishi's b'day party). 

Red dress a hand down from my sister (is it called a hand up, if I'm older than her?). Anyway - I'm older and fatter. The dress is much too big for her, but I fill it out quite nicely, thank you very much.

Today I came across a new blog; Crafting an MBA (which I'm going to spend a while reading through over the next few weeks).

And wrote a really long comment on my google groups (Bris-Style), about costings and mark-ups and that sort of thing. 

There's heaps of "it" going around blog land at the moment. The way we all cost our products out; the fact that those of us wanting to make this our business (and hopefully make a speck of money) are having to continue to compete with those who are hobbyists. Being a hobbyist crafter isn't a bad thing at all - it's just well, quite a bit annoying when I have to place my products next to yours at the market stalls or Etsy site. 

Michelle from Cicada Daydream wrote an excellent post about it a few weeks back. Read the comments too, lots of interesting points.

I'm working on writing a post, for Selvedge House blog, which will address some of these issues. I've had a fair bit of experience in retail and costings and wholesale aspect of business, and have done a few different business courses. So I do have a few thoughts on it all. If there's something particular you'd like me to talk about, let me know and I'll add it to the post up. (Which will happen after my NZ trip).

So, that's me today. I'm having my afternoon coffee. Before I head over to pick up the school boy (walking) and then (drive) to get the kindy girl. Then do the dinner thing, and the teeth, stories, bed thing. And then, maybe I'll fold the laundry. 

me on a friday

Here's my contribution to this week's 52 Fridays. I missed last week, due to it being the busy-crazy-mad-rush week that it was. I'm hoping there is at least one nice photo of me from Mishi's party (taken by my father-in-law).

So, anyway. Today I did the quick and easy computer photo. With silly prop! My new beautiful cup, that I bought last week from Shibui Homewares in West End. I had a lovely chat with the lady, who owns and works in the shop, about her visits to Japan, and about Japanese tea cups.

Right now I am being deliciously cheeky. My cup contains a yummy, hot / cold concoction of vanilla icecream and coffee. Otherwise known as affogatto. I haven't had one of these for ages - icecream  is rarely bought in this household, this is left over from Mishi's party. And Ari tempted me. Friday afternoon, afterall. Icecream and afternoon television for the boy. Before we get the girl from her kindy.

Today I have spent a fair bit of time reading and working on planning. I spotted Steady Days in the side bar of Soulemama's blog*, and clicked over and purchased. The book arrived in the post on Wednesday, and I've been carefully reading it in spare moments. This isn't a cute-pretty sort of book, but it's so easy to read and so well laid out. I really like the way that there are no half-page headings for each new chapter (saves on paper). This book feels like one of those Cliff's notes to .... (you know the cheats guides to Hamlet or McBeth that we all read at school?); it breaks things down into simple language, honest words and truthfulness in the telling and the story. I really like that Jamie (the author) doesn't pretend as if she's perfect, actually she often reminds us that she's not. 

So, I've been planning how to be more organised. These past few months (weeks especially) I've felt lost and drowning in the vastness of it all. I've been weighed down. And have felt pretty useless at a lot of stuff. You know when you feel like that it takes a lot of get back up and get going with stuff. The piles of paper normally just keep building up, and the mounds of laundry almost topple onto the kids while they're trying to find clean socks. 

I've written out a daily, weekly and (still working on) monthly plan for the whole family. I've included chores - silly things that shouldn't need to be included in a to-do list, but that have been getting  begrudgingly pushed between Sam and me lately (like the washing up, or the laundry). I've included a half hour every evening, before dinner where the whole family sits down and talks or plays a game, or writes / draws together in our journals. We do always sit together at breakfast and dinner time, but we're often caught up in the 'kids sit down', 'stop putting food everywhere', 'use your fork, please', 'eat your veges', rush to school, work or bed deal. So - I'm hoping some small amount of time to sit and enjoy as a family will help us all be a little bit happier in where we're at. 

I also added a whole hour, once a week, for Sam and me to sit down together and talk about our plans and dreams and goals (both personal and professional). This is something that we rarely get to do, and if we do, it's normally moments between making school lunches or reading bedtime stories or rushing out the door to work.

I'm going to spend the weekend working on and finalising the planning. Steady Days book suggests to put everything into an easy to reference binder, and I'm going to work with that. I'm also going to consult Sam and the kids on it all, as I want it to be something we do together, not something that I enforce and dictate.

Hopefully this time next week I'll be well into the good feeling of being organised and on top of things. And I'll be getting some proper solid work happening. Rather than this dribble-drabble-nothingness that's been happening around here lately.

*And look, it's on her bedside table today as well.

51 versions of me ~ 5

i had a little sleep.
have not been sleeping well, of late. kids wake up in night, either they come into my bed, or i end up in their beds.
so short afternoon naps are very pleasant to be able to have.
i kept waking up, hearing noises. i am not used to sleeping in a quiet, alone house. (many noises outside).
both kids at school. husband at work. me sleeping! sounds like a delicious life, doesn't it.
(house is a mess, still have to wash the breakfast dishes, will have to wash school uniforms + kindy sheets this afternoon. feeling guilt over being a stay-at-home-mum who doesn't keep house very well. still sound delicious.)

anyway, before my little nap.
i wrote down a list of things
things i need to do
want to do
need to do.

did you read this blog post yesterday. so, i didn't need to write one - pretend i wrote that. though, of course, my pictures wouldn't be as beautiful, or beautifully matched. {even in her non-creative-phase, she's creative. grrrr}.

i got a lot of things down on paper.
really worked things out in my head.
directions to move to.
things to be happening, get working on.
where to go, what to do.

and then, i had a marvelous little day dream of where i will be in six months time. creatively. work-related. design/sewing/products/range/brand.
won't share yet, but hopefully soon i can show you that it's falling into place.

so you like our blue sheets. what a lovely colour to sleep in. our bedroom walls in our last house were close to this colour. i miss the colour of our last house. this house is dirty white. we will find our very own new house soon, soon, soon.

so - today. i feel good. optimistic. about myself. in my mind and body.
{tomorrow may be a different story - but today is now is the moment is today}.

*** I would like to thank you all for the sweet, lovely, thoughtful and totally ego-boosting comments over the past little while. I feel so lucky, blessed, and happy happy happy to have so many wonderful friends who offer me little gifts so freely, easily and thoughtfully. I truly appreciate each and every comment that you leave me.

now :: then

Doing this 52 Fridays self portrait challenge has made me really look at myself a bit closer.
My whole self, not just the corner of my eye that I see looking in the rearview mirror while driving the kids to kindy, or doing the shopping. {As I don't generally wear makeup, or style my hair in much of a particular way - I somehow rarely spend much time looking in the mirror. We do not have a full length mirror in our house, so I look at bits here and there, but not the whole overall me - and not with an objective eye.}
I've noticed that I frown a lot. Sam tells me so, too. But until you see if yourself - and look - you don't really know or take notice. My mum used to frown a lot, too.
Not in a frowning way, just - that's the face I make. The face I own.
I wonder, though, our faces are an expression of our life. The deep lines etched into our faces are part of what our days take us through. Someone who scowls or smokes their whole life will have lots of little lines around their mouth, someone who frowns will have furrows in their brow. Someone who laughs easily, happily at life will have soft lines at their eyes.
I do not seem to have soft lines at my eyes.
I seem to have furrows and frowns on my brow.

but, oh, but look at these photos from just over a year ago. I look more than a year younger. I look at ease, happy, carefree.

So - I've been wondering, thinking, pondering. Does this mean that the last year of my life has been filled with stresses, furrows, frowns. And why.
When was the last time I was that happy?
Or have I spent too much time trying to get to somewhere (a new, dream house; a new, successful working life; my won business; my own sense of self; time without my children.....).

So - I'm challenging myself, through the 52 Friday's challenge, to find a happier, carefree, more laughing me.

51 versions of me :: 4

I finished my skirt.
And can I tell you, that I think I do so very love it.
For today, I dressed up a little bit (well, no makeup, but some jewellery). And I worked out how to work the self-timer on camera (after owning it for this many years, it took me only a matter of moments to do it!).
I've named the skirt, but not ready to tell you yet.

This is the first day of something.
A finished skirt.
A tiny little photo shoot.

I do wish that I could learn to smile in my photos. A natural smile. Instead of that frown. Perhaps, this year I'll learn. Through 52 Fridays. This accepting of who I am.

51 versions of me #3

Straight up I'm going to admit that this photo was taken yesterday {Thursday}, because I was all dressed up, I had a few spare quarters of moments to stand still, and Sam was there to take the photo of me. Which means a whole me, rather than just bits from stretching my arm out as far as I can to make the camera far away as possible. (Perhaps I should read the instructions on how to do the timer thing).

We went to see Angelina Ballerina at the Playhouse. The English National Ballet. It was for kids, still was quite a lovely show to see. Mishi was mesmerised. She + Ari thought that the mice were real mice, just really big. In fact, as big as real people. But mice all the same. Mishi loved the costumes - those pretty pink sparkly tutus. I'm sure all the other girls in the audience loved them too.

You should have seen all the pink tutus all those little audience girls were wearing. It was a almost a sea of pink tulle in all different hues of baby girl pink.

I made a special skirt for Mishi, which I'll have to blog about another time. As this is Versions of Me, and not versions of my daughter.

So - these photo:

This is my Veronika Maine skirt. I love the print on this, and the waist band - those pleats that don't add bulk but add detail and texture. I don't normally ever wear my shirt tucked in (always feel so self conscious), but I feel this skirt deserves to be shown off. Sam said it looked good - and I trust him, because he'll tell me lovingly and honestly if my bum looks fat in something. {Come on, let's all be honest, as much as it hurts us to have our loved ones tell us that, wouldn't we prefer to go out looking our best, if something looked better on us than what we'd chosen?}.

And my new shoes. Finally finally finally, some new shoes. I actually bought two pairs (a red pair as well, YAH!). I never find shoes that I like, so finding two at the same time was fantastic. And the service in the shop was wonderful and friendly and helpful. And local. Always a bonus.

Jewellery all by Sam, of course! A new design of necklace that he came up with for his mum for Christmas (I got the prototype). When he has a moment to spare, and isn't taking the kids skateboarding or cleaning up the house, I'm sure he'll get some more made.

I think I like the first photo best. I can see the things I don't like about my body. But, I'm not going to talk about them now. You won't see them. That's the way life is - we only see our bad parts, other people don't.

I'm going to only start looking for the good parts. To appreciate the good parts.

So - the parts I like best right now are my sense of style. The way I dress. I think I am finally of an age where I feel like I know what looks good on me (mostly, some days not so much). And I also appreciate wearing beautiful clothes, and understanding the difference between quality and cut and different fabrics. I like that about me.

51 versions of me :: #2

Today I am:
a tired mother.
who left her son, crying, at kindy. and felt terrrible. and sad. and drove home lonely without chattering of children in the car.
yet knows that her son, indeed both children, are perfectly fine at kindy and will be fine at school in just a few short weeks.
a mother who played blocks with her son, stacking up the wooden pieces and adding the stained-glass coloured pieces. to make an airport. and looked through the colours to a different world.
a wife who dropped her husband in the city, early this morning. dropped him off for a weekend away, a working weekend {full of fun skateboard demos and things like that}.

a quiet woman.
in a messy house.
who wants to ponder all day
with the grey clouds
and the still air
and the subdued street noises.

a person who must get on with things
to make them tick over
to make them easier
and not prolong the inevitable
(like the washing or the washing up or the cleaning of the play room for the 20 billionth time).

i am an artist enjoying the possibilities of the day
of tomorrow.
of planning watercolour painting with my children.

today i am
melancholy
yet content in the stillness
nostalgic
optimistic
open
at ease.

{PS - thank you all for your kind words about my new hair colour. how lovely to have sweet friends to notice and comment. yes - i have dyed my hair, it's much darker than i planned, but good all the same.}

EDITED :: looking at these photos, I realise how tired I look, how tired I am. And just a reminder to you all, that this au naturale look is an everyday look for me; I'm not a make-up person, perhaps a slick of non-animal tested mascara and some lipgloss. But barely I get my hair dried before I get out of the house.
Wooden bead necklace is an Ari original, made at kindy. I'm really loving wearing it. Thankfully it's not a macaroni necklace!
And those bare cupboards in the background were a lucky find at Lifeline this morning, and a bargain at only $15each.

51 versions of me

Holly is doing a new challenge this year, of posting a self portrait of herself each Friday. 52 Fridays - a self portrait challenge.

I've decided that I'm going to try and do this too. I have already missed the first Friday, but that's okay - I think 51 versions of me is enough anyway. You may be lucky and get more or less, depending on how my year pans out. {And if I forget in one week that I said I was going to do this each week!}.

Raw, exposed and real.

And, just so I don't feel all alone - some captured photographic memories of who is here in our house right now at this moment in time.

At 7.23pm on a warmish and still Friday night in January. The bats are calling outside. The story-telling music is playing. And my cousin, Chloe, is reading Mr McGee and the Biting Flee to my two little ones.