golden glow

There's a tree on the property adjacent to my Dad's land that has a magical glow at certain times of the year. I remember walking home from school (oh, a long time ago...) on Winter afternoons and the afternoon sun showering the tree with golden light. Looking out my window yesterday, this (different) tree caught my eye in a similar way. The Winter light is so beautiful and warming (when out of the wind!). The setting sun seems to spot-light trees in a glorious shimmer, almost like fire. And then, with the wind whipping the trees about - well, it glitters and sparks. Of course, Winter sun sets quickly to a darkening cold sky. Tonight is a blue moon - very clear and crisp night.

We celebrated Sylve's birthday yesterday by going out for a really special breakfast with some friends. The cafe we went to was a favourite :: the food was delicious, service lovely, conversation interesting, company delightful. And Sylve liked the tools that Dad + I gave her as a present. I had planned on making a little roll-up pouch for the screwdrivers to sit into, but didn't get it done in time. I'm sure I could do it quite easily, and she'd love it regardless of being late or not.... We'll see.

When we were out at dinner tonight the waitress brought a baby bottle of milk to me for Mischa. It was meant for a different table with a baby, but she just got confused. I felt almost offended, or.. something. I felt like jumping up and saying - quite loudly + proudly - this baby is breast feed, no bottles here. Of course, I didn't! But I was quite shocked at the thought of me being handed a warmed up bottle to feed my baby, when I had my own perfect milk *on tap*. I guess the breastfeeding topic is quite bright in my consciousness.

Well, that's it - by the time you're reading this June will be over for another year! Craziness really. And, we all do it and feel it every month, year. The speed at which the days whittle away towards the next cycle. I suppose the thing of always doing, doing, doing hurries us along. But, really, even the days when I do not so much, it still ends up at the afternoon sun colours before I feel it should.

These are a few close-ups of the Grevillea in our front yard. Wonderfully it continues to grow and flower, despite us actually doing anything to help it along. That's the reason natives are so worthwhile in any garden.

Oh - I just realised that you probably now think I go out for meals all the time. I don't. Dinner tonight was because Ari is having a sleep-over with Sylve + Ash, we were going to go to the movies ::something we do so infrequently:: but there wasn't really anything on we could compromise on, or worth seeing!

why...

Today Ari asked me that eternal question - "Why is the sky blue?" I couldn't answer him, don't know how to explain. I know there is an answer, but I don't really understand it myself, well not well enough to correctly explain to a 2.5yr old... does anyone else? It's these little things about him that constantly remind me he really is not a baby anymore. Okay, yes at close to three, he's not officially a baby - but he's my baby. All you Mums + Dads know what I mean by that. He'll be my baby at 15, 21, 45 - if I'm lucky enough to still be around then. But also, today - the *need you Mum* was more than most days, just his way of letting me know he's not yet ready to not be a baby. He is a big brother though, he keeps reminding me. They want to be so grown up, yet still so little in so many ways (so do I, now I think of it). Ari was so upset a few days ago when Ash said he was bigger - I just said I was bigger than Ash, so there!
And on the topic of growing - do babies have a growth spurt at 4.5 months? Today Mish slept for no more than 20minutes at a time, and drank lots and needed lots of cuddles and me time. I forget when Ari went through different baby stages. Yet, I feel like I should know it all as I'm not a first time Mum. Make sense?

Since moving the bed from Ari's room, and turning it into a playroom, I really want to make it a *real* playroom. I've been starting to collect + buy (get Sam to) crafting supplies, as Ari is just getting to the age where he wants to do cutting, pasting, making things + he can do it a bit more himself. I want to set his room up a bit more organised, before we need to bring his bed back in. Face it - he can't sleep in our bed forever! These are a few places that are inspiring me on my plans for his room. 1:: 2 :: 3 :: 4 ::
I suppose I really need a whole house organise (purge), as I'm feeling totally overwhelmed by the constantness of seeing *stuff* (::mess), and picking it up only to have it replaced with something else. Or, worse - not having the energy to pick it up!

Today we made Hickory Dickory Docks. Using round plastic container lids, thumb-tacks, paper hands. I made one thinking he wouldn't be able to do it on his own - and he got mad, upset, saying that I'd made that for myself not for him. So, we have two clocks now. Don't you just love his numbers, he counted them out right up to 12, with a few double ups just for good measure. And that one really long hand.

He watches PlaySchool and they have the time-telling there. So, TV really does teach kids something. Actually, I watch the show to learn how to make stuff. And , of course I love singing along with all the songs. We used to watch it when we were kids - Sylve up until high-school (sorry Sylve!!). Our favourite was always George when we were young, now I really like Justine.
We were a bit house bound again today. The rain has stopped and it was gloriously sunny, but also really windy and cold. For some strange reason Ari wanted a frozen yoghurt icecream this afternoon, an even stranger reason is me letting him.... We sat on the front steps in the sun, with the wind blustering us, eating frozen yoghurts!
So, needing lots of projects + activities, as well as organisation (don't forget the energy) to keep Ari going through this Winter. He seems to have finally stopped his day-time naps, though I still keep persisting. Yesterday he fell asleep at 5.30pm, curled up beside me while I put Mish to sleep. Sam + I had a lovely evening with no kids! Which was topped of nicely by Sam's brother and his girlfriend bringing round chocolate cake with cream + berries for dessert. We ate it too quickly to take photos.

rainy day hugs

It's been a rainy do-nothing day here. Feeling bit run-down after lots of *stuff* or happenings lately. Had to hang wet clothes on the wet line, in the rain. I broke our washing machine, with a full load in it! So had to wring out half washed, sopping clothes. Hopefully Sam can fix it, otherwise I'll be washing nappies by hand - in the bath.

Went to a really intense yoga class this morning. Which would have been okay if we hadn't been a bit slack with yoga lately! I feel like I'm letting my body down so much by not having a regular yoga practice. Not just my body, but my mind and soul. And also my teacher. He's such a wonderful teacher - my teacher, as in spiritual teacher (or something). I feel so lucky to actually have had two teachers (so far) in this life. One - my mother, who I want to just ramble on about sometimes, and other times not even mention or think about her. Well, mainly don't want to think about the emptiness she has left in my / our lives.... And two - Jamie. Who is soft and strong, pushes during class, knowing where we should be at, what we can achieve.

When Sylve does her yoga, she looks so much like Mum. Has the same feel, energy, dedication (at times) that Mum had. Sylve is stronger (looking) than I remember Mum. But, I didn't know my Mum when she was in her twenties.


Here's a few lovely photos I took of the babes today, having a great smiley hug. Mischy was playing peek-a-boo today with her blanket. She's growing up too quickly. I feel like I was watching it all so much more with Ari, because I didn't know what I was doing in the same way that I know now. Yet, sometimes (often) it feels much harder now that it did with Ari.

Sorry for this jumbled post... I'm off to bed, and having written this - feel I should (well, that I want to) post it.

what I don't like about digital

For so many years I've used film, and love it. I love my Ricoh camera, and the anticipation of getting photos back from developing. I love the looking and analysing and thinking I should have done this or that, or... sometimes - that this photo is near to perfect, or at least a great shot! (The photo above is on film, one of my all-time favourite photographs that I've ever taken. My prayer flags caught up in a tree outside). But the reality of children means that film is expensive and its much harder to get the great shot in only a few - or even one - take. Plus, I don't get out to my photo developer often enough - so would never see the photos printed.

Thus - to join the 'gang' - I have a digital camera. We bought it last November, after lots of research and thinking. While I would have loved a Digital SLR, the budget didn't stretch that far, but I think what we got was a pretty good compromise. Since then, I haven't used my manual camera very much, but I also have a stack of photos of most situations. Good + bad!

So, its pretty excellent having the camera - the convenience of being able to afford to take random + numerous photos, as well as letting other people use the camera.

I guess the real downside is... well, I think actually there are quite a few -
::I miss the feel of my camera, the sound of taking a photo - the looking through the viewfinder and focusing and checking the light-meter. My camera is very similar to my Dad's one, which I so love using. Mine if lighter and a bit more modern. (Dad's camera is probably more than 30yrs old). But my Dad's Pentax is what I learnt to take photos on.
::Digital is very fussy in low-light situations. And I really love shooting in minimal light, on film. Getting that soft graininess. Digital just doesn't focus properly at all in some low-light conditions. So, I know that I'm missing out on some great shots because of it. I hate using the flash in most circumstances. It makes people look washed out, or too shiny, makes things not look real.
::Digital is making me lazy. I'm not really taking the same photos that I used to with my Ricoh, as I know that the results aren't the same. And also (as we don't have a printer set up at home), I know that I'm not going to see the results. Which brings me to -
::Never having the photo in my hand. Good or bad, having the photo in your hand from the developer is a great feeling. You can share, show, send (via the POST - rather than email... really, wow..). We just seem to have all the photos on disc, where most of my family never get to be reminded of the time together.

BUT - I'm learning my camera more and more, and like using it. Maybe I should read the manual in more detail, then I'd know a bit more about it! I take take movies and experiment and let the kids take photos. And, of course - all kids now just want to look at the photo straight as soon as you've taken it. These are a few photos I've just taken tonight, which I really like - using the sepia setting on the camera. It seems to work better in low light, and hides a lot more flaws.

That first photo of Sam is just wonderful. He was trying to stop me taking the picture - I can see his smile in his eyes.

Its been a pretty busy weekend. We're all exhausted. After a fun day of shopping in the city, we went to Winter Solstice Festival at Northey St on Saturday. Then, today we spent standing in lines for face-painting + food + rides at the World Refugee Day Community Festival. Both the festivals were free events and quite fun, just tiring and long...

Of course, the day of shopping wasn't free - never is, that's why we don't do it very often. A few little splurges for the babes + essentials for me (I've been wearing the same two maternity bras from when breastfeeding Ari). Seed was having a sale, and their stuff is so pretty.(They have a pretty boring website. I was expecting beautifully styled photos of all products). Like things I would love to be able to make, oh, if only I could actually sew properly. We settled on one little jumper for Mischa. Ari got socks, a froggy raincoat + a lovely set of Babushka dolls from Maiocchi. (I'll take photos of the shop next time I'm there. Their second store is just so lovely, pretty, well-thought out). Ari loves the little nesting dolls, with the teeny-tiny baby inside. I'm sure he's probably already lost pieces...

(Sorry, having issues with layout - formatting again! Maybe this is not the best place to have my blog if its going the be so irritating for the layout to work... urghhh. Any tips, anyone?) Also, sorry such a long post - I do tend to ramble.

working + living

We are very lucky that all our babes are quite similar in age - ranging from age seven to (almost) 5 months. So, all the cousins will be able to grow up together. And us siblings cherish the moments we have with each other, as well as watching the moments they have together.

I suppose loosing your mother makes you really appreciate family and loved ones that little bit more. And knowing that those times together are so precious - work doesn't matter when you can have a laugh and play with people who you love!

I've been thinking about going back to work for one day a week. It's retail - fashion - and very lovely and fun, a good chance to 'dress up' and all that, but then I don't want to miss out on any moments with my babes. And, I don't think that Mish (or myself, to tell the truth) are ready for expressing breastmilk and learning how to drink from a bottle (for her) and have someone else feed my babe (for me). I guess I feel very jealous at the thought of someone else giving my little one that nourishment - even if it is Sam. That is a bond I have with Mish alone. But, then, I am also so ready to have my own moments of space and time. I feel its happened so much quicker (this needing quiet, alone time) this time around (my second baby), than with Ari. This NEED to have thinking time. Of course, there is such a constantness with two babies - children, that I never anticpated. I know I am so very lucky to have two 'easy' babies, but they are still little ones with needs, and I'm a bigger one with some needs that I can't put off all the time.

Yet - this is the eternal mothering dilema. Or, actually not really eternal. As not so long ago - and currently still in so many cultures - babies and children and daily life are all so much more integrative. Rather than 'work' and 'home' life. Why don't I live in a clan, or at least some form of close-knit community?

This post was eventually published 7th January, 2008. I did not/have not gone out into the workforce. I continue to enjoy the aspects of being an at home mum to my little ones. Though I feel that this is the year for me to make an at home business/work.

solstice fires

Yesterday was Winter Solstice, with the fire lighting....

As well as Ash's 5th birthday....with the candle lighting.

Sylv had a lovely party to celebrate. Lots of talking and laughing and eating - generally enjoying family time. My eldest sister, Anouk came up to visit, with her two little ones, and stayed with us for a few days. The time always goes too quickly, yet is so important to be able to enjoy together. We love watching the interaction and infectious laughter of our babes. More photos.

I've finally started a bit more sewing. I have so many ideas in my head, but never the time. As I don't have a dedicated spot to sew I have to set up on our dining table, which means spurts of inspiration and lots of tidying. And a two-year old who doesn't really understand the concept of a sewing needle.

I made a door snake tonight out of some beautiful linen-like fabric I brought back from Thailand many life times ago. After all this windy wind we've been having, we need something for our front door. But, its a very hungry snake and the 1kg of soybeans I bought wasn't enough to fill it up. So, currently I have a half-full tube waiting for finishing details. I think Ari wants me to sew eyes on it, or something like that. He thought it was a strange thing to be making - a snake... but being a child, accepts things easily.

I also sewed some 'jarmie pants for him. I've had the flannelet fabric (yellow with orange stars) for ages, but hadn't got around to making a pant pattern. Thank you Anouk for letting me use your pattern. Ari wanted to wear the pants to bed tonight, without any elastic or hems - so I suppose likes them.

Hopefully the sewing moments continue, as I want to try my hand at making some patterns similar to this or this (when I showed Ari the website before bed, he wanted me to make them straight away!!). I'll let you know how I go -drawing my own pattern shape and choosing the fabrics. I said to Ari that we'd make one for Ash as well, but he wanted to keep them all for himself! I have so many other thoughts clattering about in my head, I hope this blog can start to be inspiring in it own crafty way (like the many that I read almost daily!).

Anyway, its goodnight now. We're heading into the city tomorrow. Finally a new (maternity) bra for me, and we'll go to the library and get a card for Ari (and pay off our fees!!), and hopefully find some lovely stories.

favourite sounds (+ sights)

Sibling cuddles + smiles.....

Big brother kisses. Its always lovely when Ari wants to give Mischa a cuddle, holding her on his lap. He's so loving to her sometimes....

I've been thinking about the sounds / noises that are special to me, or make me happy or thoughtful or content or....
::The slurping, guzzling, piggy noise Mischa makes when breastfeeding.

::Ari singing his beautiful songs - current favourites of his are "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and "Song a Sing of Sixpence" (he often gets his words back-to-front). Also, I really love it when he walks around reciting stories we've been reading or the talking CD's we listen to. It really surprises me, as I didn't realise he was taking that much notice of the CD - doing so much other stuff at the same time. Today he was walking around saying "Lock up your gold" and "Gordon's got a Snookie", from this wonderful CD that we listen to so much. We also do a lot of talking about "Whoosh went the wind. The balloon. Emily's Balloon". I'll talk more about this sublimely beautiful book another time, definitely a favourite of ours. Another of my all time favourites (from childhood), which I seem to have passed onto Ari is Wilfred Gordon MacDonald Partridge. Julie Vivas' illustrations have to be amongst the best ever!

::The little giggle Mish makes when we kiss kiss kiss her cheeks. She's so receptive and interactive at the moment. Poking out her tongue and smiling and really interacting with people.

::The sound of our gate, when Sam's home from work. Usually we run to the door to greet him.

::The rain I can hear spattering onto our roof. I have nappies on the line, but that doesn't matter at all when its raining!

::This CD has been on repeat - both in the CD player and in my head. (Though of course I can't think in music, but I remember the feeling this gives me). Please listen to this music, it is so hauntingly fulfilling. I love the name of this, as well as the cover art.

::The silence of both babes being asleep at the same time, during the day. When I don't have any really pressing chores to do. (None of my chores are ever really pressing - which is why we live in a mess most of the time!). But, when I have that silence, I need to not be washing up or vacuuming or cleaning. I need to be having my quiet time too.

This fruit + licorice + dried mango flower was afternoon tea - with a cup of warm milk (cardamom chai for me). This proved to be a very successful way to get Ari to eat fruit, asking for me to make him another flower. He didn't want me to photograph it - trying to eat it straight away, snuggled up on the couch.

(The formatting is really frustrating me. Sorry that its not all lined up, but I've given up trying to made it look proper.... Yes, I'm a bit of a perfectionist is wanting the spacing to be all correct + the same.. But its simply not happening).

lions + lemon drinks (or parties + protests)

Ashy's party outfit was excellent. Sylv did a wonderful job - I think he was the best dressed at the party by far. Ari wouldn't wear his outfit - which made Sam quite mad + upset as he had stayed up late cutting, gluing and painting. Hopefully someone (little) wants to be a turtle some other time. I wanted to wear the turtle shell, but it was simply too small for me! The party in the park was a lovely day, filled with kids running and playing and adults talking and lots and lots of food. I didn't take as many photos as I wanted to, as Mish was having a "need cuddles" day - and I can't focus on her and the camera (other side of the lens) at the same time! Then we (the family) went back to Sylv's house for tea + fruit platter, and building of the Lego presents.

This is Lion Ash amongst the legs of my brother, my sister + me in the bottom right hand corner, feeding Mish. I really like this photo, such an unusual perspective. Thanks Jamie for taking party photos for me, and looking at things from the childrens' viewpoint.

The Save Shoalwater Bay march was good to be part of, but unfortunately not a really excellent rally protest march. We didn't march through the city, or actually very far at all - so didn't make a lot of impact. But - we were there, dressed in our '50s finest, and marching for such an important reason. Things like this happen in our backyards all the time. We need to put a stop to governments thinking they have the right to acting like this.

I think I'm starting to get a little bit sick. I can feel the sore throat tickling and clogging. Sam made me a lovely lemon, ginger + honey drink - made with luscious and juicy lemons my dad brought up from home. Home for me is always the place I grew up in, not the place I currently live in. I do wonder when I will start to think of this home as home in the same way. I guess I'm lucky enough to have two homes. Really the best way to not get sick is sleeping when my babes sleep, which means - good night.

friday favourites

I've just decided to post a 'few of my favourite things' to end the week. I may not have time or energy over the weekend for computering. Saturday we will be going to an Anti-War March, and Sunday is Ashy's birthday party. Its a dress-up party, and I still have to make Ari's costume. Ari is going dressed as a turtle, and Ash as a lion - he wants to be the king! Will have photos to show next week.

In the meantime, here's a few of my special photos or subjects:

My photo board, above my desk. Has a small selection of very magical images of very special people. And, yes, it is just boring cork board - I would love to have the artist abilities to turn it into something like this, or even a staple gun to cover it in fabric! In the meantime, the daily love I receive from looking at these glowing family photos is more than enough...

He was being a bit cheeky this day, not wanting to be part of the group photos. So, instead I took these and ended up with some classic shots. Ash is wonderful to photograph. Firstly, he is such a great-looking kid, secondly he loves posing and playing it up for the camera, so is very easy to get good images of. That full-faced grin is his usual 'smile photo face'. It doesn't hurt that his mum has an excellent sense of style - for herself and him.

I think that soon Mish is going to start the funny little bumping of learning to crawl. I keep thinking that I remember nothing of Ari's babyness, but then Mish seems to remind me by doing it all over again.

My sister just passed this amazing top along to me. It used to be my mums, but I don't have any recollection of her wearing it. Yellow really was her colour, nor is it mine - so I probably won't ever wear this top. But I will enjoy looking at it everyday. Its silk, with little mother-of-pearl buttons. Check out the flickr photo for notes.

Just a simple photo of the random things on my dining table, one day. The little crane coin purse is a favourite find from ebay. The peacock card I brought home from my overseas adventure (years ago). I'm still slowly reading the InsideOut magazine.

Sylvia gave me the flowers for my birthday. They ended up lasting more than three weeks. The final one still on my alter table. Oriental lilies are amongst my most favourite of all flowers. These particular ones were an amazing deep pink, with an intoxicating perfume. I loved changing their water and recutting / rearranging the stems. The angels hanging in the window are handmade two-and-a-half years ago, by a group of friends in my backyard. They are Steiner based. We've had them dancing in our window, and I'm not sure I ever want them to go. I love the memory of the day, as well as the memory of my Steiner primary education.